Shamanism

A small taste into my own personal Journey into madness, to discover the Mystery of life through Ayahuasca and the tradition of Shamanism.

I cannot speak for anyones account of what Ayahuasca is to them, or what a shaman knows. I can only tell you my own experiences and what truth is to me. Because no matter what i read and hear from others, my experience is the only one that matters. and my beliefs from my experience is the only thing that is real for me. 

A Shaman is the word for "healer" or "medicine man" in ancient traditional cultures. The shaman almost always uses altered states of consciousness to heal their patients. The ayahuasca space you go into when under the medicine is created especially to get in contact with the spirits so they can come and interact with all participating passengers in the ceremony. And to essentially heal them from any underlying illnesses. 

How Ayahuasca heals?

So when Ayahuasca is drunk, you are not intoxicated, you are not drunk, you are just in a state of super clear consciousness. You are so aware of your being that everything makes sense. In the space the role of a shaman is to guide and directed through what you are experiencing. The Icaros they sing (songs to call the spirits)  are there so Ayahuasca and whatever good spirits are inside you mind, body and soul to decipher, understand and resolve whatever illnesses mental or physical are present in your being.

It is nothing short of a miracle. 

Shamanism....

Before I did Ayahuasca, i had my own personal beliefs of shamanism and what a shaman is. I can honestly say now that all my previous pre conceptions have been blown out the window.

Let me tell you why from my account. 

I am a shaman, it wasn't my choice, it was the choice of the spirit of Ayahuasca. As simple as that, in my first ceremony she came to me and told me in clear intuitive english that i was born for this, she showed me how the spirits claimed as a child and called for me through previous near death experiences i've had in my life. Which I did not understand and had absolutely no control of.

Because in my perception, to be a shaman there are a lot of factors, but one of the most sure fired way is to come in contact with a spirit who tries to kill you, and that is the test. For me it was 10 hours locked in a cage repeatedly under attack from forces unknown. But that is a story for another day.

The reasons why i never understood my calling to Ayahuasca was because i never surrendered myself to my devine purpose, and in this life funnily enough, it is to be an Ayahuascero or Curandero (Shaman). 

So in my extremely brief and tiny introduction to Shamanism, I did 21 ceremonies in the space of a month and a half, around half of them were private (one on one) with the two shamans in the Amazonas. Who sequentially became my spiritual parents, Maestro Elias and Sara. A husband and wife duo working for the Vida Libre retreat centre in Iquitos Peru.

So besides learning about the different plant medicines and some Icaros that were taught, I realize they were not training me to be a shaman, they were just looking after and creating the space for the spirits to teach me directly.

If you can wrap your head around that. There is no textbook instructions on how to be a shaman, there are books no libraries no notes nothing. You literally learn from the spirits directly. What does that mean?

When you are in the Ayahuasca space, it is 100% specifically modified for you, Ayahuasca creates the space you need in order to learn or to heal. So I had healing ceremonies, and i had learning ceremonies where spirits taught me through realization and awareness. And they are real, because i can see them in ceremony and they speak to me in whatever ways/language necessary to get through to me.

So no one will truly know what Ayahuasca is, not a man whose done it 20 times, not a shaman whose done it 20 000 times. Because what Ayahuasca is, can never be experienced directly, because when you ingest ayahuasca she manipulates herself to be presented to you, she manipulates the space specifically for the individual or individuals. That is why every single ceremony is a whole different world to the previous one. 

What a shaman does i feel, is just to make first contact with mother ayahuasca, to allow her to create a safe space where her spirit can interact with you whatever way she determines would be the best for you to learn.

IT IS ALL REAL. because you see it, you understand it, you feel it. You experience it. it is not worlds you create out of imagination. Because you can never imagine what you see, it is not possible, the geometric patterns, the beings, spirits, ghosts, worlds you dive into.

For example...

In one of my ceremonies, very common.

 I saw a giant Snake, MASSIVE, 60 foot long slithering in front of me looking at me directly in the eye. Ayahuasca wanted me to enter her. I was terrified I didn't know what to do, get eaten alive by this Giant Anaconda? You must be crazy... But as soon as I mentally prepared myself to enter this beast, she opened her mouth and swallowed whole whole. Straight away i was transported into another dimension of space and light and love. Millions of stars lit up the sky so bright and beautiful it filled my heart with love. I was flying in this unknown beautiful magnificent world.

that is what it means to fall in love with the Unknown, the Mystery that ayahuasca creates for you to experience, and each time it is completely captivating and different. 

So to sum up, those who are interested i cannot have any description or stories to make you believe the wonder, beautiful love you receive with ayahuasca.

It is your own journey, through courage and strength for you to experience it for your own. 

because I can show you the door, I can open it for you. But it is YOU who has to step through it. 

You have to make the conscious decision to go against everything you've been taught, all your instincts straight into the Mystery, and when you do, you will discover the meaning of true adventure, enormous strength and the best of all. The reward of Love.

The First Encounter with Mother Ayahuasca.

It's absolutely crazy how Ayahuasca works. You just never know what your going to get. The absolute hardest part in any Ayahuasca ceremony is the moment the Shaman fills up your glass. That brown, sticky liquid pouring in, & bringing that glass from your hands up to your mouth. Once you swallow, you know there's no turning back.

So I had just left everything, took whatever money i had left and bought a ticket to Peru. Somehow, by Gods will I found my way to the Vida Libre Ayahuasca retreat in Iquitos. Very beautiful camp grounds, very beautiful facilities.

It was me and 10 other German passengers. They had all previously been acquainted with one another, I was just the tag along. The first few days leading up to ceremony was very difficult. Mentally, emotionally. I had a lot of fears and and doubts about the whole thing

Will this work? Maybe it's not for me? Is this safe? Is this evil? I hate it, this is stupid, I should go home.

Lots and lots of negative thoughts that eventually got blown the away by love.

So the first ceremony,

I was so nervous the whole time leading up to it, just before it began i started crying, tears streamed down my face uncontrollably. It is always very comforting to cry, very peaceful at the same time it is traumatic.

I believe crying to be some sort of a spiritual breakdown as well as a psychological release. The same with dreaming, i do feel better after i have a good cry.

The dosage

So i did half a cup, the very first time.

I would say 75% of a shot glass is around a normal to heavy dose. 100%, a full cup is considered a very heavy dose. So 50% is still going to hit you fucking hard.

So what happens...

I waited 40mins, thats around the time Ayahuasca takes to kick in.

AND NOTHING! NADA. Absolutely sober the whole way through the ceremony. I'm thinking to myself is this stuff fake?

But there were other people, who did half a cup as well, and they were tripping hard.

I was just completely sober. I even fell asleep. had very weird dreams though...

So the whole day after, i was very confused and sad.

I thought to myself, the next ceremony might just end up being the same thing. What if I had just paid and came all this way for nothing.

So darkness falls once again, it was time to drink for the second time...

All my life, i never understood what it was about, i had no fucking clue. I went through life doing things out of fear, in the hope the more control, power and status i obtained , would bring me more happiness. It just brought me a whole lotta pain to be honest haha.

After this night, I can honestly say to myself, it all finally makes sense.

So after having no effect the previous night, I went for the Heroic Dose. One full cup.

The Setting..

The ceremony environment at Vida Libre is very traditional, very peaceful and comforting. They really ensure that the passengers receive a true authentic Aya experience whilst feeling protected at the same time. We have very thick comfortable mattresses, we sit in a half circle surrounding the shamans, there are always helpers on the side and outside the ceremonial area if help is needed. 

So that was very comforting to me, even if i did start tripping badly, my safety and the safety of others would not be compromised.

So after i received Ayahuasca from the shamans, I went back to my mattress, lied down until the lights went out.

In every ceremony, it is done in absolute darkness, this can be quite intimidating for most. But i can assure you, you would not want to have it done any other way.

So in complete darkness, accepting my fate. I start feeling this tingling sensation in my body, it started of small, and grew and grew until my whole body was in this ecstatic vibration.

It was VERY, VERY NICE. Like a whole body orgasm, just complete and utter sexual ecstasy, I felt Ayahuasca's presence immediately, this radiant, feminine, sensual, motherly figure that was just pure healing love. Thats all it is, pure love.
Something I had been seeking for my whole life.

The feeling when you were a kid, and you got scared and all you wanted was for your mum to come and hug you, hold you. A feeling I never had for a very long time, I almost forgot what it felt like, it was so beautiful.

I kept asking her.

"Why are you so nice to me?"

What have I done to deserve such love, such comfort. It was incredible.

Then Ayahuasca showed me, she took me on a RIDE through my life, all the pain, all the confusion, all my fears. It all made sense, I had to live through them to get to her. I had to suffer to find her. I accepted EVERYTHING. it made so much sense, flashbacks like a movie, super clear visions. Painful times, sad times, happy times. I accepted it all as if it were a gift from God. I cried and cried. Tears of Love and Joy.

After that my visuals just went crazy. Egyptian Doctors, like the drawings in the pyramid of half man half bird. Surrounded me, taking out my heart from my body, and fixing it. It was REAL, it was all so real.

They held my hearts in their hands, a giant glow came out of it. They put it back into my body, and I felt this electricity rise from my spine, they had open all my chakras! Such a powerful energy just rushing through my body, I immediately got up and started dancing, it was so strong i had to move. I couldn't stay still. I saw myself as a monk, under this tree and I was meditating.

Then she spoke to me, it was in crystal clear telepathic english.

"You are my son, you are to work for me. I will teach you, I will train you, I will heal you, you will learn to heal everyone, all the people you love, all my children, you serve God now."

It was so fucking intense, I just accepted it you know. Im not going to say No, I'm not going to turn away the most beautiful thing that's ever happened to me. This pure love energy. Who would?

The shamans and they're Icaros (songs to call the spirits) were so powerful and strong. I realize  how hard it was for them, to heal so many people. WE can never thank the shamans enough for they're work, most people don't understand the incredibly massive task at hand it is to heal people. One of the hardest but most rewarding jobs in my opinion.

Then i started to see a lot of things, for myself. Like my mind went from this jungle matrix of love into breaking down psychologically my own ego. Every aspect of myself i love and hated just became see through. I understood why it is i felt certain ways, all my fears, all my desires. All the relationships i had with everyone... girls, guys, family, friends. It was incredible.

No counsellor or psychologist could make you realize such a thing.

After my mind had been blasted by this love, i started feeling a strong connection to one of the passengers in the group, i was attracted to her the very first time we met. It was a very weird attraction that went beyond the physical. Then during the ceremony, the attraction was so intense i had to be next to her. It was like I met her before, in another time and place. Like as if I loved her before I even knew her. It was just crazy. Later the next day i would find out she felt the exact same way.

The ceremony ended, I was so just surprised and shock, i had no words to explain what just happened. That ceremony was the beginning of what is now a life long relationship with Ayahuasca. I stayed after the retreat in the jungle for 2 more months just to work with her.

It has worked wonders i could never have dreamed of. I want to share this message with all of you,

Magic is Real. Healing is possible.

I have seen it with my eyes, and felt it in my heart.

Even if you don't need healing, just come to experience Ayahuasca and you will not regret it, you will find strengths you never knew you had. Open doors you never thought were possible.

So thanks to all the people at the retreat. They had really become by the end of it, my brothers and sisters.

The team at Vida Libre, they make sure everything is running like its suppose to. I am so happy to be apart of the wonderful team.

I would have not asked for it to be any other way.

Anyone who has any questions, feel free to comment or message me.
Checkout the website if your interested in the retreat. Do your research, get as much info as you can before deciding to come over.

Ayahuasca, done correctly and safely. Will change your life for the better. That I can promise. :)

What is Ayahuasca ?

The Magical Plant Goddess Ayahuasca

The Science and history behind it.

Ayahuasca is a psycho-active brew that has been used in ancient shamanic tribal cultures across South-America for centuries. It contains 3 Main Ingredients, The Ayahuasca Vine, the Chakruna leaf and water. Any other ingredients vary from shaman, to tribe and culture.

It is used to this date for the exact same reason, to heal. It is proven to heal an endless range of mental and emotional illnesses as well as physical.

There is always a Shaman present during the consumption, and during ceremony which lasts for 4-6 hours. They overlook and control the ayahuasca space everyone is in.

In the West Ayahuasca is illegal because the faceless pigs who control the government are aware of it's boundary dissolving powers which is lethal to the structure of Western Civiliasation.

In countries like Peru on the other hand, it PROTECTED by government under laws of Religious Freedom.

The active molecule in it is DMT (Dimethyltryptamine) which is a chemical produced by our own human bodies, and is most present during sleep, in the stage know as REM sleep. Where are dreams are created. There are a lot of theories, one of which most researched, is that the "Pineal Gland" or  'Third Eye' is responsible for the production of this chemical. Although never proven, research is still continued to locate the exact location.

Ayahuasca is made by boiling the 3 ingredients together for 8 hours and refining it down to thick, black bitter liquid that really taste like shit.

The Spiritual...

Now this is the exquisitely, mysterious, captivating, beautiful side of Ayahuasca which is why millions all over travel to the ends of the world just for ceremony... Why I fell in love with the plant.

To Believe this world as just the physical is very ignorant. Taking Ayahuasca will take you past the physical, past the mind and into the realm of spirit, which in my belief, is more real than this physical world we wake up to.

The spirit of Ayahuasca is very Feminine, she is our Mother, Mother Gaya, Mother Earth, Mother Mary. Whatever you call her she is the spirit behind the beauty of nature in this world. She draws strength from all the other spirits that are roaming and shows the light to whoever seeks.

There are many plant Allies and diets to Ayahuasca, all with connection to the spirit of Ayahuasca.

In all of us, we have a soul which is connected to all things. What Ayahuasca does is connect you with your soul. Who is always happy and does not live in the illusion of time and space.

It is a door then once we step through, forces us to change our perspective of all we have been lead to believe in life. One way or the other, she will change you for the better.

During Ceremony, the shaman (healer) drinks the Ayahuasca with us. When we are in trance, he sings his Icaros (songs of the spirit) to call for them to help us and heal and give us strength.

You are transported into the jungle matrix, the space where plants, animals and all beings live harmoniously. Where the laws of physics does not exist. Beings which are REAL but not made of matter.

It is an endlessly beautiful, mysterious and sometimes very SCARY world. The courage needed is very demanding but EXTREMELY rewarding. The ultimate battle, good vs. evil inside of yourself.

Crazy Shit I know, but you do not find God, through the rational mind.